It’s okay to not be okay

‘It’s okay to be not be okay’ is a phrase I’ve been trying to drum into myself over the last few months.

Mental illness can affect anyone yet there  is still a very negative stigma surrounding mental health. It is seen as a weakness, as something to be embarrassed and ashamed of. Something you keep hidden from those around you. If you suffer from mental health problems you are a shadow in the world. 

Sad lady at window

So whilst you are going through some really tough times the feelings of being weak and not good enough are     re-enforced society we live it. I understand that mental illnesses are hard to comprehend to people who haven’t suffered from them. I had no idea how awful things can get and how overwhelming life can feel until I experienced it myself. 

Several ‘celebrities’ have recently committed suicide in the last few months. Despite their varied levels of fame and fortune their minds were full of a torment that they felt unable to escape from. No amount of money help them. Their mental illnesses left them at odds with a cruel, condemning world in a difficult battle they lost. Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and Avicci all committed suicide  this year. It is suspected that ex Love Island contestant Sophie Gradon was suffering from a deep depression and may have killed herself too.

There are others that suffered the same fate and left a huge hole in the world. Robin Williams death shook the entertainment world and his fans to the core. The funny, charming actor had hidden his struggle with his mental health until he was gone. Kurt Cobain suffered in a similar fashion unable  to cope with fame and his mental health demons.

The list is endless and a tragic reminder that life is precise and it is vital that much more has to be done within mental health to stop this list for growing anymore. 

Suicide is such a complex subject. I can understand feeling empty and lost in a cold dark place that you can’t escape. Despite having so much joy and love around you it can seem so exhausting and draining that you just want it all to stop. It sounds so simple but sometimes it’s like your mind and emotions are on a constant rollercoaster, the noise, the ups and downs are never-ending. There doesn’t seem to be any other way to get off.

But what is left is immerse. Sorrow, regret, devastation, a future filled with grief of a loved one who took their own life. These emotions are also peppered with anger. At that person for ending things, for selfishly leaving loved ones with such endless heartache. Anger at with yourself for not being able to help, for not saving them. For not being enough. Constantly looking back thinking of something you could have done differently. When the anguish of the person who ends their life stops, anguish of their loved ones begins.

So when I’m feeling down and my depression has a tight grip of me I tell myself that’s it’s okay not to be okay. That I’ve been her before, or sucks, it’s horrible but I can get through it. There’s no easy solution and you can’t just snap out of it but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Always!

Brave the storm

If you are suffering from mental illness or you are affected by a loved one that has health problems please reach out and talk to someone. There are always people who want to listen and help you through it. It help you find that light at the end of the tunnel. It’s tough and emotional but you can’t get through this alone. I will put some details below of how you can get support. I will also leave all my social media details of you want to dm me to chat! 

But always remember it’s okay to not be okay.

By admitting you are experiencing mental health problems, by seeking help and talking about it I cannot express how much stronger you are, how much braver than  you think you are.

You are a true warrior and you will get through the darkness. Just keep fighting it. Never give up. 


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Mental Health Organisation

The Samaritans

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